Everyone likes... BUTTS?

I know, right?

But look! I have the views to prove it:

Disregarding the time I tagged semi-famous people in Facebook photos and linked them to my blog, "Butts" is my most popular post ever. This is obviously a subtle hint at the big break that will one day make me internet-famous! *sarcasm hand* I need to use more shocking, mildly disturbing post titles.

Suggestions, anyone?

Bonus points if you can create a sensational title or headline using one of the following words/phrases!

• Pineapple
• Skadoosh
• Skittles (who doesn't love skittles?)
• Funkydiscombooblegum
• Thumb wars
• "How to destroy the perfect _____________"
• O.C.S.A.Y.D.
• Sleepophone
• Pocket Lint
• Angry potatoes

In other news...

Am I really that dull?
My blog stats have told me something. (I'm a stat-whisperer; it's like speaking Parseltongue but with more binary.) People frolic happily across my blog only to leave when they find my repulsively boring "About" page. I've got to do something about that — what do you guys want to know about me? (Nothing too stalkerish, kay? Kay.)

About those crazy things I draw:
FAQ has a NEW entry! (Where "NEW" is defined as "more recent than my last fossil of a post.") I'd like to introduce you all to the FAQmonster. He smells of ignorance and curiosity and has a body the texture of cornstarch mixed with pancake syrup. Please feed him, preferably before he eats any of my more questionable (see what I did there?) post drafts.

This is eerily appropriate...
The winning post idea on my reader's poll was "A History of Procrastination." Meanwhile, I disappeared for over three weeks. Haven't blogged; haven't read blogs; haven't commented on blogs. Mostly this was because I felt guilty about not posting on mine and it snowballed and now Google Reader has 579 647 678 unread items. But wait — I have excuses!

1. I started work. (My summer job involves getting exercise, presents and a major sock tan. JEALOUS, right?)
2. I became hopelessly addicted to Google+.
3. I got my driver's license! STAY OFF THE ROADS! Just kidding; I don't have a car! My parents went out of town and left me one for the week? WHAT? Ohmygosh. I can go anywhere! Run errands! Drive to work even though biking is faster! What should I do? o.O [Car remains parked in street, doing nothing.]
4. I'm a chronic procrastinator; deal with it.

I'm going to spend the next couple days reading blogs, keeping up with comments and stalking my readers and fellow bloggers on Google+. Then I'll get started on that historical procrastination anecdote. I can't promise it will be the next thing I post, but I will be working on it.

Don't forget to send me post titles! The crazier the better — I might write a whole post as an excuse to use it!